Awhile back, I had written about the journey to my happy weight. Or in other words, my journey of losing those last ten dang pounds of baby weight. Which feels like, let's face it, one hundred pounds. While I was successful in doing so, and have managed to stay at a happy weight (will I ever not want to lose "just five more pounds"?), I still deeply struggle with finding the balance. How can I enjoy fun foods without feeling guilty? And why when I seem to enjoy these foods, can I never have "just a little"? After losing the last of the weight this last time, I seem to have fallen back into my old habits of using food to fill a void or treat myself. Too often. And I'm frustrated. Frustrated that it consumes too much of my thoughts, frustrated that the day after a weekend or days of bad eating I feel the need to consume less, count every calorie, feel guilty about that fun size snickers. It's gross. I have three amazing kids, a husband, and great friends who would be worth so much more of my thoughts and energy. So as a new year's resolution to myself, I've vowed to work on finding this balance.
And this got me thinking.
If I'm being honest and a little too over analytic, I'm sure I have this obsession with food because I am a stay at home mom with too little adult interaction during the day, and my brain needs something to work on, so it turns to food. Perhaps I should just get a job and not turn this into something it's not? Perhaps...
But for fun let's look at the alternative.
And this got me thinking.
If I'm being honest and a little too over analytic, I'm sure I have this obsession with food because I am a stay at home mom with too little adult interaction during the day, and my brain needs something to work on, so it turns to food. Perhaps I should just get a job and not turn this into something it's not? Perhaps...
But for fun let's look at the alternative.
At the beginning of the year, Kyle and I decided to do the Daniel Fast. In a nutshell, it's a sugar, caffeine, and alcohol-free (GASP) vegan diet. No meat, no dairy, no desserts, no coffee, no alcohol, or basically most things I consume on a daily basis. Super fun, right? But it was only 21 days, so we told ourselves, how hard can it be?
It turns out, 21 days is like basically A YEAR. I mean, CRAP.
While the main purpose of this fast is to deny ourselves foods we would normally eat to gain a better spiritual awareness, I was also really excited to take food guilt out of the equation. There would be no guilt over eating bad things since there was nothing I would want to "indulge" in (except there were days that hummus started to taste like a banana split). And sure enough, it was incredibly freeing. If you take away the first three days where Kyle and I almost killed each other and our children, had pounding caffeine withdrawal headaches and would have butchered a cow if it wandered into our front yard, the duration of the fast was nothing short of incredible.
For the first time in our lives, we were forced to fill our bodies with really nutritious foods. Nothing processed, no caffeine, or caffeine crashes, and tons of fruits and vegetables (and did I already mention no alcohol? Waaaaaahhhhh). After 5 days, we both agreed we felt a high like nothing we had ever experienced. And my meat loving caveman of a husband actually said he "didn't miss meat that much." I mean what?? The same man who prior to this didn't believe a meal was complete without a dead animal as the main course. If that wasn't the holy spirit moving, I don't know what is.
If you look at the diet of this fast as a whole, it makes perfect sense why we felt so good. The best of the best nutritionally going into our bodies, and literally none of the bad. I mean, DUH. And although we have created some lasting habits (think veggie smoothies and tons more salads) and now really feel free of needing meat the way we did before, it will never be a permanent lifestyle for us. I really just need wine, cheeseburgers and desserts in my life to feel like a whole human being. Sorry, Jesus. You made me this way.
So where is the balance?
In the midst of the fast, I came across this book:
Since I was, you know, completely and totally at food peace and felt like I could conquer the world and become a hippy dippy vegan for the rest of my life, I thought I'd read it. As of right now, I'm about 3/4 of the way through it, and it's totally fascinating! I would basically describe the concept of the book as food therapy. She talks a lot about what our cravings mean, why we crave certain things, and most importantly (for me), how you use food. Do you use it to avoid feeling certain feelings, much like alcoholics use alcohol? To feel better after a long day (hello, me)? Are you not getting enough "physical pleasure" (yes that means what you think it means) and this is impacting what you're craving?
It will really get your wheels spinning.
I have to admit, for the first part of the book, I was kinda annoyed. I mean, come on lady, sometimes I just need a chocolate donut and don't want to analyze what scars from childhood I'm trying to cover up at the moment. But all in all, this book along with what I learned through Daniel fast makes me feel like I am making some steady progress towards finding the balance.
So I'm curious. Those of you who feel like you have a good food balance in your life, what's your secret? Do you struggle with this like me? I'm dying to know you healthy food minded fit girls' secrets!
xoxo
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